Expert Ways To Get Your Libido Back On Track

Don’t Compare Your Sex Life To What It Used To Be

“While it can be tempting to think everyone is having more sex than you, look at the recent data, which shows that fewer than half of men and women aged 16 to 44 have sex at least once a week. Plus, research has found that a quarter of couples in their 30s have sex fewer than ten times per year. Many couples start off having lots of sex as they’re under the influence of what’s commonly known as new relationship energy (NRE), which translates to heightened emotional and sexual feelings. This stage of desire in a relationship is hard-wired into us to help us move towards mating. However, this state of heightened libido will naturally shift six to 12 months into a relationship as we form more connective bonds. Couples need to understand that desire will shift as they become closer. However, sex is still important. According to research, when couples report high sexual satisfaction, this contributes up to 20% of overall relationship satisfaction.” – Megwyn White, director of education at Satisfyer & certified clinical sexologist 

Harness Your Hormones

“There are four phases in the menstrual cycle and hormone levels change at each stage. Your libido is naturally higher during ovulation, which tends to be in the middle of your cycle, around a week after your period finishes and two weeks before the next one starts. Evolutionarily speaking this makes sense, as this is when fertility is at its highest. In fact, studies show women are more likely to initiate sex just before this ovulatory phase. And while you may not feel turned on during your period, if you feel like it, it can be a great time to have sex. The reduced risk of pregnancy, extra lubrication and the potential for orgasm to reduce cramping can be a turn-on. During ovulation, you will also have more vaginal discharge, which can heighten sensation and keep sex on the mind, and studies show that in the days leading up to and during ovulation, you are more likely to want to masturbate, fantasise and consume erotica.” – Dr Madeleine Mason Roantree, psychologist, dating coach & director of relationship psychology services at The Vida Consultancy

Try Listening To A Story

“A huge part of what stimulates libido is context and something called ‘mental framing’, which is essentially the stories and emotional nuances that surround sex. Most women need some kind of context or mental framing to get in the mood – tapping into the senses is an excellent way to address a flagging sex drive. A great way to explore your fantasies is through listening to audio erotica or reading written erotica. Listening to a story can be particularly exciting as it allows your imagination to work and personalise the story. The Satisfyer Connect app features lots of stories and is a great way to get in the mood and elevate libido.” – Megwyn

Explore Yourself

“Masturbation is a proven way to boost desire. In fact, one study done with 96 women found those who masturbated reached orgasm more often, making you an even more responsive lover for a future or current partner. Get into the habit of setting time aside for yourself to explore your body’s desires.” – Megwyn 

Keep It Playful

“There can be something intimidating about spicing things up with a partner you’ve been with for a long time, so starting by doing things that create a safe environment between the two of you is a good first step. Try writing each other daily notes of appreciation about one thing, big or small, that you love about them. To make things a little spicier, you can also try sex dice games – they can be a fun and light-hearted way to keep things exciting.” – Cecile Gasnault, brand director at Smile Makers & founder of Vulva Talks

Try Sensory Sex

“Your senses might seem basic, but don’t underestimate them in the sex equation. In fact, layering on the senses can really help engage attention while stimulating novelty and desire. Senses such as smell are tied to the limbic part of the brain and can help activate desire, whether it’s a particular perfume or body oil. Adding different types of touch, including temperature, texture and pressure, can also help increase anticipation and unlock erogenous zones. Immersive sounds, along with light, can sensualise the atmosphere and create an ambience of mystery where you are more focused on the body.” – Megwyn 

Get Some Sleep

“Sleep is one of the main pillars of health and aids a healthy sex drive in several ways. When you sleep, your body can reset, process stress and reduce inflammation, which can negatively impact libido. In fact, one study found that getting an additional hour of sleep can increase sex drive by 14%.” – Megwyn

Get To Know What Desire Feels Like

“A simple exercise you can do with your partner to better understand the fluctuations of your libido is something called the ‘desire barometer’. Pick a number between one and ten at any moment in the day and ask yourself where your desire is – ten being extremely ready for sex, and one being completely turned off. Use this metric to help you understand your rhythms and how your body’s desire changes throughout the day, as well as how you are relating to your partner. Practise doing it with your partner so you can understand their fluctuations around desire, too. As you do this practice, you’ll become more aware of how desire can be cultivated through greater awareness and compassion around your own personal expectations and needs.” – Megwyn 

Introduce An Accessory

“Introducing new things in the bedroom can make you feel vulnerable, especially if you are initiating it alone, but incorporating a sex toy can help kickstart orgasm if that is something you struggle with. And an orgasm, in turn, releases hormones that help you relax, which can help with libido – it’s a win-win situation. Ask your partner if they would be keen to shop for some sensual accessories with you, and if you’re buying a toy, choose it together. Talking about what you’d like in terms of stimulation can open a whole conversation about pleasure and opportunities.” – Cecile 

Make Time In The Diary 

“Making time for sex may sound unsexy but making plans for intimacy can ensure you are coming together as a couple to stimulate desire. By planning it, you’re wiring in the expectation that something amazing is going to happen later in the week. You can also use the anticipation to increase desire through flirting, texting, or planning a particular activity for your date. Having a plan also helps minimise distractions and reduces anxiety around sex.” – Megwyn 

Set Yourself Up

“The best sex happens when you’re in the mood for intimacy. And it’s important to remember that you are always half of the equation in chemistry with another person and it’s surprisingly simple to activate your own sexual energy. Take the time to set yourself up to feel sexy before your partner gets involved, especially if you feel overwhelmed or overstimulated on a particular day. Whether it’s a warm, aromatic soak in the bath, actively visualising what you plan to do with your partner, stimulating specific pleasure points or applying a body oil. If you start to make sensual self-care a habit, your sex drive will increase as a result.” – Francesca Hogi, love coach, podcast host & writer at Clubhouse 

For more, head to Satisfyer.com, TheVidaConsultancy.com, SmileMakersCollection.com and FrancescaHogi.com.

DISCLAIMER: Features published by SheerLuxe are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek the advice of your GP or another qualified healthcare provider for any questions you have regarding a medical condition, and before undertaking any diet, exercise or other health-related programme.