A Mum Of 4 Shares Her Unique Take On Motherhood
Before relocating to France, life moved at a relentless pace. I grew up in south-east London, and aside from a gap year in Paris, London was always home. It’s where our two eldest children were born, and where our friends and family live. As the first in our circle to have children, we tried to maintain life as it was – working, socialising, renovating – just with little ones in tow. We were constantly in motion. Then lockdown brought an unexpected stillness, a pause that made us realise how deeply we craved a slower, simpler life. We’d always talked about retiring to the south of France, and when remote working became an option, we decided to try it sooner. We packed up the car with our babies, our dogs and just the essentials, planning to stay a few months. We’ve never left.
When we moved, we brought only what fit in a roof box – barely any toys or clothes, though we crammed in as many books as we could. Living with less has been incredibly freeing. I started making toys from cardboard and nature finds – which later became the focus of my first book. We love shopping second-hand – brocantes (French flea markets) are where I find everything from kids’ clothes to vintage tableware. Our food is all bought locally too: bread from the boulangerie, vegetables from the market, meat from the butcher. We even use a refill shop for pantry essentials. It’s not just about sustainability – it’s about community and connection.
We’re a screen-free family. Our children have learned to create their own fun. We don’t have too many toys – which, paradoxically, helps spark creativity. We spend a lot of time crafting together, cooking, building things outside. And we’ve found that when we give our kids some focused attention first, they’re much better at playing independently afterwards. It’s about filling their cups before expecting them to pour from them. Our days are simple, and that’s what makes them so rich. We make our own toys, mend our clothes, cook from scratch. It’s not about being perfect or purist, but about choosing what aligns with our values.
Parenting feels easier in France. Nursery is more accessible, school holidays are generous, and restaurants often have playgrounds. There’s a culture of welcoming children, which lifts so much pressure. Happier parents make for happier kids – it’s really that simple.
Daily rituals keep us connected. Lighting a candle in the morning, eating dinner together every night, leaving weekends unplanned – these tiny things anchor us. We used to feed the kids early and eat later, but now we eat together. It’s such a simple moment of connection. The kids help set the table, we talk about our days – it’s ordinary but it’s everything. We try to keep weekends free, letting them unfold however we need, whether that’s resting, seeing friends or catching up on chores.
My favourite ritual is the family sleepover. In France, school runs in six-week terms, with a two-week holiday after each. On the last night of every break, we drag all the mattresses into our room, read stories together and sleep as a family. It’s pure magic for the kids – and for me too. I love waking up with all my babies around me. We plan to keep the tradition going as long as we can.
Motherhood has made me kinder to myself. I want my children to grow up practising self-love and compassion, and I’ve realised I have to model that. I even wrote affirmations for myself after writing them for my kids – and now we say them together each morning. Motherhood has also shown me my own strength. I had home births with my first two children, and when that wasn’t possible here, we chose to freebirth our third and fourth – just my husband and me, at home. Those births were powerful, transformative moments. They showed me what I’m capable of.
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I didn’t expect motherhood to stir up such reflection on my own childhood. I think about it often – the good and the hard – and it’s made me more intentional as a parent. The speed of time has also caught me off guard. Everyone says it flies, but you don’t truly understand until you’re in it. I look at my youngest now and can hardly believe my eldest was ever that small.
My third pregnancy was the most difficult. I had hyperemesis and spent months in bed, unable to eat or move, completely overwhelmed. We’d only just moved to France, didn’t have a support system yet, and I felt totally disconnected from everything – even my children. I was so triggered by smells and couldn’t keep anything down. I remember one evening my daughters came into my room to say goodnight after bathtime, and their conditioner smelt so overpowering I couldn’t hug them back. It was the darkest chapter of my parenting journey so far. It’s still hard to think about. I didn’t work through it so much as survive it.
The leap from three to four children was the hardest. I love spending one-on-one time with my kids, but that’s much harder with four. In the early years, the emotional and physical demands can feel relentless, but I keep reminding myself that it’s all a phase – and it passes so fast. We celebrate the small wins, hold onto the joyful moments, and get through the tough ones together.
There’s so much noise around parenting. I had my first baby at 23, and I was the first of my friends to have children, so there wasn’t much advice coming my way – which, in hindsight, was probably a blessing. It meant I had to rely on my gut and intuition, which has served me well. One of my closest friends is pregnant now, and she’s overwhelmed by all the opinions and noise, especially online. The best advice I can offer is: trust your instincts, accept that you’ll make mistakes, and know that that’s okay.
My entrepreneurial spirit has helped me stay connected to who I am beyond motherhood. I’ve always had big dreams – writing a book, starting our farm, launching a vintage French homewares business. These creative projects light me up. When the children are at school, I devote time to my passions. When they’re home, I’m present with them. Wednesdays and weekends are less structured – school-free days here can get a little messy – but I aim for small, connected moments, with my phone away and full attention on them.
The most meaningful parenting wisdom hasn’t come from books, but from women whose values resonate with mine. The We Nurture Collective by Chinyelu Kunz has been a constant source of inspiration – her podcast, Instagram and The Little Book of Parenting all beautifully reflect a gentle, intentional approach. I also love Africa Daley-Clarke – The Vitamin D Project is full of wisdom and warmth. Offline, I often turn to my friend Zainab, a mother of three with the kind of calm, grounded presence I admire. And then there’s my grandmother. She moved from Nigeria to London in her 20s with four children of her own. Her resilience guides me every day.
Motherhood has made me more thoughtful – and more critical – about the values I want to pass on. At first, my focus was on keeping my babies safe and our home full of love. But as our family has grown, so has our awareness of the wider world. We talk about race, climate, justice, intersectionality. We discuss protest and standing up for others. Raising kind, socially conscious children is just as important to me as keeping them safe. Because I want a better world – not only for them but for all children.
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