How To Have An Amicable Divorce

What are some of the advantages of mediation?

“Mediation helps you to work through any areas of disagreement with a third party who is trained to assist you to come to a resolution. It works well for couples who are relatively amicable but who have some sticking points on agreeing the settlement between them. It can help you avoid expensive and time-consuming court hearings which are both financially and emotionally draining.” – Sara

What considerations might you have to consider as an older couple in say your 50s or 60s if you choose to divorce?

“Silver Splitters, as this group is called, have a lot more choices these days when getting divorced. 50 is the new 40, so often this is a great chance to redesign your life just the way you want it. Detox out the old and bring in the new. There are specific dating apps designed to help them find new partners and also social groups for making friends. It’s important to be clear on what you are looking for moving forward so you don’t end up repeating old patterns. Learn the lessons from past relationships and bank them.” – Sara

What things can you be more relaxed about?

“You won’t have to juggle babysitters and may be financially more independent, so this gives you more freedom to create the life you are excited to live. Self-care, eating well and exercising are crucial to help you keep a strong mind and make better decisions. But it’s just as important to keep some fun in your life and find ways to laugh and connect with those you love. Divorce is an opportunity to rediscover yourself and, whilst you may feel like curling up and hiding away from the world some days, trying to see a friend or trying something new will help you feel stronger.” – Sara

Any advice on reaching a fair and amicable financial settlement? 

“The process for divorcing and dealing with your financial arrangements on divorce is the same, no matter your age, but when considering what a fair and reasonable financial settlement might be for older couples, certain factors must be taken into consideration. This includes, for example, both parties’ retirement plans and how they might be able to meet both their income and capital needs on retirement. It is likely that older couples will have a much-reduced mortgage earning capacity which could impact on the value of the property they can afford to buy following their divorce. Other considerations, such as the costs of care, might need to be factored in, as well as the impact of sharing any pensions with your soon to be ex-spouse and how this would impact on each of your respective incomes on retirement. Divorce can also impact on your will and so it is imperative for wills to be reviewed too as part of the divorce process. This goes for a divorce at any age but is perhaps even more pertinent for older couples.” – Nina

As a woman, perhaps who hasn't worked or earned their own money for some years, what are the main considerations to think about in a 'no fault' divorce?

“Ongoing spousal maintenance claims have famously been referred to as no longer being 'a meal ticket for life'. Generally speaking, gone are the days where very long (sometimes lifelong) maintenance orders were made. Women who have not worked during the marriage are now expected to maximise their earning capacities, post-divorce, in order to meet, or at least help with meeting, their income needs. This does not mean that there is an expectation that a non-working wife would immediately re-enter the workplace, full time with an unattainably high salary, but rather that she should be expected, in due course, to contribute to her own economy in some form. This might mean several years down the line when young children are a bit older or allowing for a period of retraining, or for there to be an acceptance that this would be on a part-time basis. There are of course cases where it would be entirely inappropriate to expect a non-working wife to have her own earning capacity in the future, for example if she is at, or close to, retirement age, is in ill health and cannot work or if the parties’ resources were sufficient that in fact there was no need for her to work. Each case turns on its own facts, and there is no one size fits all. Aside from how a non-working wife might meet her income needs in the future, consideration would also need to be given to how she might meet her capital needs, such as how she might rehouse with a limited or no mortgage earning capacity and whether she should be entitled to a larger share of the parties’ capital to ensure her reasonable housing needs can be met. In addition, if she has not been working, it is unlikely that she would have been contributing to her future retirement fund and so there would need to be careful consideration of any pensions and how these should be shared.” – Nina

How should you react if your soon-to-be ex suddenly changes tack and decides to go to court?

“Don’t panic. Court proceedings can be a really great way to focus everyone's attention on resolving matters. The court will first of all set a clear timetable for financial disclosure and getting in place all the information required in order for productive negotiations to take place. There can often be months between the various court hearings and therefore plenty of time for out of court negotiations, or even negotiations at court on the day of a hearing. If agreement cannot be reached, it also provides a 'long stop' date for matters to be resolved, being a final hearing at which a judge will ultimately decide on what a fair and reasonable outcome will be. It is worth remembering that just because court proceedings have been issued, it does not mean that negotiations have to cease and an out of court settlement is no longer possible. On the contrary, it can actually encourage couples to reach a settlement to avoid the need for ongoing litigation.” – Nina 

“This can happen, and it can be upsetting and frightening too. Make sure you have a good breakup support team around you. If anything is worrying you, find an expert to help you answer your questions in this area. It could be a breakup coach, legal advisor, financial advisor or a friend who can be there to provide constructive support. There are lots of people experienced to help you through this so do reach out and get the support you need. If you don’t have a choice and end up going to court, then preparation will be key so find out what you need to do and schedule the time and the support team around you to help you.” – Sara

Finally, any advice for handling the emotional turmoil to maintain good relations with your ex?

“Good communication is key from the start. Divorce will bring out the worst in the most amicable of couples as they start to separate their lives, so it is important to establish some ground rules early on if possible. Agree how you will approach difficult conversations and how you will handle disagreements. If you can both focus on being kind and understanding, this will help the chances of maintaining a good relationship after the divorce is settled. Avoid bad mouthing your ex especially to your children or mutual friends. Don’t rush to respond to upsetting emails or texts; instead, take your time and think through the consequences carefully. Look after yourself during the process – self-care will enable you to make better decisions. Get outside, get some daily exercise – even a walk around the block will help clear your mind. Be aware of your coping strategies as some, like drinking more wine, may feel good in the moment but will result in you feeling worse in the long run. Treat yourself to some time out, a nice bath or country walk, chatting to friends that love you or a manicure to pamper yourself a little.” – Sara

For more information visit SaraDavison.com & HowardKennedy.com. 

*DISCLAIMER: Anything written by SheerLuxe is not intended to constitute financial or legal advice. The views expressed in this article reflect the opinions of the individuals, not the company. Always consult with an independent financial advisor or legal expert before making any decisions.