My Journey Into Motherhood: Stacey Dooley
@sjdooley
I was never one of those women who was desperate to be a mum. You can't assume that it's going to work for you, or that it will happen a certain way. I'm under no illusion that not every woman wants to be a mum or ends up being a mum. My boyfriend and I had talked about wanting kids and came to the conclusion that we probably did. But it's not lost on me how fortunate we are to have our daughter.
I was 36 when I had Minnie. At that age, you’re well aware as a woman that you probably haven’t got lots of time to play with. The term ‘geriatric pregnancy’ is so insulting. Every time I was in the hospital, and they said it really loud, I thought, “Can you just keep your voice down, please?” It’s definitely something we need to rethink.
I didn’t do one antenatal class. I just didn’t think they were for me. I didn’t listen to one podcast or read one parenting book, either. Everyone kept telling me: “Don’t worry, it’s innate – you’ll be fine.” But that first night after coming home from the hospital, I remember thinking, “I’m not fine – this is mental.”
When she came, the doctor said, “She’s got mum’s hair.” She’s looking more like me now – which I love – but in my eyes she was the carbon copy of her dad when she was born. Bless her, she’s bright ginger.
@SJDOOLEY
The first few months you are chaos. You constantly wonder whether you’re getting things right or wrong. It’s so difficult not to fall into clichés about motherhood but it really is the most life-changing experience. It’s been so interesting to watch Minnie grow. She's coming into her own, saying a few words and she’s really communicative, which are all things you don’t get in those first few months.
If there’s one thing I struggled with most at the beginning, it was sleep deprivation. I totally underestimated how difficult I would find it. At the start, I really struggled. You’re literally walking around like you’re on another planet and you’re thinking: “Am I ever going to sleep again? This is just not sustainable.” But you find a way to make it work. Minnie is really funny, she’s very social and I think that’s because we’ve dragged her around everywhere since she was born. She’s either been on tour with her dad or she’s been at work with me. She was there with me when I was making my film about death and I was feeding her in a funeral home. But that does mean she’s also got no routine – she’s like me now!
I want Minnie to see her mum going to work. I think that’s really important. But of course, there are different considerations now when it comes to work. I was offered a really interesting project a few weeks ago that involved following gang leaders’ wives. Before having Minnie I would’ve jumped at that but now I wouldn’t want any repercussions or ramifications from doing something like that. Being a mother has totally changed what I say yes to – it isn’t just about me anymore.
@sjdooley
@sjdooley
You don’t want motherhood to be your entire identity, but it is for the first year. You are constantly thinking, "I used to do this, I used to be able to do that." But you have to accept that it does change. Minnie breastfed for the first year, so the juggle was real. I did a series in America where I was filming in a brothel and she had to come with me. We had to hire a trailer and put her and her dad in there. They weren’t allowed to get out of this trailer because of Nevada rules that children under 18 can’t be near a brothel. There was so much admin.
Both Kevin and I are quite nomadic. We are still figuring it all out, but we have moved up north which we’re really loving. There will come a time when we’re going to have to be at home a bit more, but we’re just so transient. He tours, and I work away a lot – so we are going to have to be really selective about what gigs we take on. Again, it's not lost on me what a privileged position that is to be in. I'm very lucky to be able to bring her to work with me a lot of the time. There are lots of jobs where I wouldn’t be able to do that. But the plan going forward is to be a bit more static than we have been over the last year or so.
Now, I’m only doing things I really I care about. Recently, I did an EE live event and it was such a lovely project. I was in a room full of inquisitive kids in their formative years and we had all these aspirational figures talking about their journeys: Gareth Southgate, Eliza Rain, Tobi Brown, Ashley Walters, Fara Williams and more. I was thinking this will be Minnie in ten years, listening to these kinds of talks in her half-term – and that made me really happy.
Stacey Dooley recently partnered with EE to host a day of workshops at EE Learn Live, to give secondary school students the chance to learn skills to grow healthier and happier through actionable techniques from some of the likes of Gareth Southgate, Michael Ward and Emily English. Anyone can access the content from the day on EE’s YouTube channel, with other tips and tricks due to go live on EE’s LearnSmart hub.
Follow @SJDooley on Instagram.
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