How To Cope With & Tackle Loneliness

Loneliness is commonly described as the absence of meaningful social interaction. Social interaction can be defined as anything from an intimate relationship to friendship or even community or workgroup connections. It’s an emotion experienced by all human beings at some point in their lives. However, loneliness is both complex and unique to each individual – there is no one size fits all. According to many experts, loneliness is not necessarily about being alone. Instead, if one feels alone and isolated, then that’s how loneliness plays out for them specifically.

Loneliness generally causes people to feel empty, unwanted, alone and isolated. It can also be a major factor in depression. And it’s not to be confused with solitude. Loneliness is marked by feelings of isolation despite wanting social connections and is often perceived as involuntary separation, while solitude is always voluntary.

For those of us experiencing loneliness, there’s not an exhaustive list of situations that may cause someone to feel lonely, but there are potentially triggering situations we need to be aware of. These include physical isolation; moving to a new location; divorce (end of a long-term relationship); and the death of someone significant. Additionally, loneliness can sometimes be attributed to internal factors such as low self-esteem. People who lack confidence tend to believe they are unworthy of attention, which in turn can lead to chronic loneliness.

To tackle loneliness, ask yourself about your social interactions and connections. For example, how are you spending your days? Are you taking part in many activities with your friends/colleagues? This questioning should be done in an empathetic and non-judgmental way in order for you to feel safe to answer the question. 

One of the first things I would recommend to someone feeling lonely would be to acknowledge and accept the feeling. Many of us feel lonely at some point in our lives, while for others this could be an overwhelming feeling which does not seem to go away easily. However, many of us do not accept we feel lonely and this in itself negates or invalidates our own feelings which isn’t good. Radical acceptance of our feelings (including loneliness) should lead the way. Yes, loneliness is an emotion just like all the other emotions, but we shouldn’t feel any less worthy because of it.

Additionally, I would encourage people who struggle with loneliness to seek balance in their lives and look after their wellbeing as top priority. This can mean different things to different people. For most of us this would mean we resort to mindfulness-like initiatives and place our focus onto the present moment – e.g. breathing, noticing things, seeking calming activities which allow us to reconnect with ourselves etc. 

Also, joy can be a great emotion to counter loneliness – so try to plan joyful activities into your day, like reading a book, watching a comedy, dancing, joining a new class, walking, hiking or even taking a relaxing bath. By focusing on things we’ve achieved, we can improve our own perception about ourselves. These achievements do not have to be large efforts; they can be anything, even doing the housework, cooking a new recipe, completing an exercise routine or doing admin tasks. 

Connection is also an integral part of being human. We are social animals; therefore, we thrive on meaningful connections which bring us closeness. A way to drive this would be to increase opportunities for social interaction, such as joining a group of likeminded individuals who share your hobby interests or choosing to volunteer for a cause you believe in (either online or in person). 

Finally, therapy can be of great help to people struggling with loneliness. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) in particular can prove to be very helpful as it is one of the most researched therapeutic interventions for loneliness. It proves efficient because it deals with both cognitive and behavioural restructuring, while challenging the negative thoughts lonely people tend to focus on.

Remember, overcoming loneliness is not only about support, but also giving support back. A sensitive way to reach out would be to ask someone for help. Ask them to help you be more socially active or ask them to go for a coffee. An act of kindness and inclusion can make all the difference so, if in doubt, just be kind and offer your support according to your own resources.

Visit JoySpaceTherapy.com

Loneliness can be an actual or perceived reality. Some people are surrounded by family and friends but still feel lonely – a perception that they don’t fit in or belong. Other people can have very few people in their life but not feel lonely. And many people feel lonely in transitions, stages of life or in response to life events such as break-ups, bereavement or illness. Some people feel lonely at times and others throughout their whole life.

Contributions to modern-day loneliness include the busyness of life, which makes people less available; more polarised opinions that can lead people to feel lonely if their views are different; unrealistic and unhelpful expectations about happiness or success from social media; the speed and complexity of certain events; low self-esteem; and limiting beliefs.

My first pieces of advice would be to work on your self-esteem. Be more aware of limiting beliefs, self-fulfilling behaviours and cycles that reinforce loneliness. Create more empowering beliefs and behaviours to attract a more positive cycle. By improving your self-esteem and acceptance of yourself, you help improve your ability to be accepted and liked by others. Positive self-esteem is arguably magnetic and attractive to others.

Then, improve your connection to yourself. Time in nature, meditation, self-reflection and self-care; reduce screen time; and escape behaviours that don’t serve. The more you connect to yourself, the more you can connect to others. This is also closely tied to identifying what makes you happy – pinpoint the times in your life when you felt happiest and reapply what works and put into place the hobbies and lifestyle that bring you into contact with other people who may have similar interests. 

Identify people already in your life who you like and respect and would like to spend more time with. Invite them to meet. Alternatively, ask friends and family who you are comfortable with and enjoy similar interests to introduce you to their circles of friends to expand your network.

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There is no ‘one’ official definition of loneliness. It’s most commonly understood as a feeling of being disconnected or isolated. But experiencing loneliness may often feel low, helpless or distressed, and may feel like you’re socially isolated even when in the company of family or friends. It’s possible to lead a relatively solitary life and not feel lonely; on the other hand, you might live a seemingly rich social life and nevertheless experience profound loneliness. This is because it’s not the presence of others that matters – it’s the presence of significant others who we can trust, share goals with and feel connected to that’s important.

There are a number of reasons why someone might experience loneliness in later life. Divorce, bereavement, living apart from our families, the lack of structure and companionship that was previously found through the workplace – these are all things that become more likely as we grow older and can contribute to feelings of loneliness. The thing to understand is that we are all capable of feeling lonely. Indeed, experiencing loneliness on occasion is extremely common and is not something that anyone should feel alarmed by or ashamed of. However, extended periods of loneliness can have serious consequences for the way we think, feel and behave, and for our overall health.

Chronic loneliness has been found to be twice as harmful as obesity or the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day*, with a growing body of evidence to suggest that prolonged loneliness can increase one’s likelihood of cardiovascular disease, depressive symptoms, cognitive decline, dementia and even death**. We are an inherently social species – so much so that loneliness can literally be fatal. 

Alleviating loneliness usually comes through four main routes: enhancing social skills, providing social support, increasing opportunities for social interaction and changing unhealthy thoughts around loneliness (generally through cognitive behavioural therapy). However, for someone actually experiencing loneliness in the moment, these recommendations might feel too broad or simply out of reach. For anyone experiencing loneliness who is looking to manage those feelings, I have some recommendations:

• Consider opening up to someone. If you’re feeling lonely, it might help to share how you’re feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member, but if you don’t have someone you feel comfortable being vulnerable with, it might be helpful to speak to a therapist or try using a peer support service.
• Make new connections through shared activity. If you’re feeling lonely due to lack of meaningful social contact, it might be helpful to try meeting new people through classes, community groups or even through volunteering. Online activity groups like The Joy Club provide a huge variety of classes, talks and workshops where people can learn new skills alongside like-minded peers, as well as offering a welcoming space for members to connect over shared interests.
• Take things at your own pace. It can be daunting to open up to people or to explore new activities when you’re feeling lonely, so don’t feel pressured to rush into anything if you don’t feel comfortable. Online communities are a great way to take steps to alleviate loneliness at your own pace – you can chat online, read the content they have available and even join online classes without turning your camera on. What’s most important is being open to the possibility of connection and seeing how things progress. 

There are a number of great resources out there that exist to combat loneliness. Many are available through the Campaign to End Loneliness, Age UK (who offer a wonderful befriending service that I personally volunteer for) and Mind. If you’re looking for something a little more active, look for community groups for people who share your interests, whether that’s a local choir, the Social Farms and Gardens charity, or online communities that enable you to connect with people who share similar interests through interactive classes and content.

If you know someone you think might be lonely, trust your instincts and talk to them. Often, simply being there for someone can make a huge difference and bring relief, so strike up a conversation, provide reassurance and, most importantly, listen. Opening up about feeling lonely can be really difficult, so it’s OK if all you’re doing is providing a safe space for someone to be vulnerable. You don’t need to solve their problems – just let them know that you’re there for them and allow them to share how they’re feeling.

Visit TheJoyClub.com

*House, Landis, and Umberson, 1988; Holt-Lunstad, 2010

**Hawkley and Cacioppo, 2010

For more support and resources around loneliness, visit CampaignToEndLoneliness.org and Every Mind Matters via NHS.uk

DISCLAIMER: Features published by SheerLuxe are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek the advice of your GP or another qualified healthcare provider for any questions you have regarding a medical condition, and before undertaking any diet, exercise or other health-related programme.